00.10 am,
Kyoto.
As long as i can recall my past few years, there hasn't been a year when all things, both ups and downs, merge together into one, month by month without stopping by. I started this year with, hmm, let's say "thrill". I got a chance to get to know more about a person whom i found interesting for roughly three years-ish of my college years. I started volunteering for two non profit organizations. I had a rough fourth semester in uni but ended up with a smile, at least. I somehow met someone whom i am currently romantically involved with. I got the best birthday present ever so far in the forms of a cute short clip. I got a tissue from an old man because i ate like a mess in rainy Myeongdong. I got someone's first artwork and had it in my room back at home, tu me manques. I had my first solo trip to Tokyo, got lost in Asakusa at 11.30 pm accompanied by my super dead cellphone. I spent a crazy night halloween party in Osaka, stayed up all night, got home looking like frozen garbage because it was 3 degree celcius in the morning. Lastly, here i am, in Kyoto for the next two months.
I can never sum up 2016 in a sentence or phrase because all happened at once. I have never had a resolution, i always let myself setting up a new journey one by one, always look forward to reaching new opportunities because those potentially good things will not come at once, even raindrops take their time just to fall. I know this might sound as cheesy as it actually sounds to my ears but lately i have been watching Casey Neistat's, even though he's not vlogging every single day anymore, but there are some videos where he really goes into a pretty deep talk about success. One thing that sticks well into the membranes of my brain is how there will never be a finish line at what you're doing, because when you feel like you get to that finish line you will get to that platonic phase, mostly described as the what-so-called "comfort zone". You will get too comfortable with your success, it is like falling into a black hole, you will feel like you are just done, and that is the starting line of your failure. That thing he said just sits in my head. Starting this year, i have been choosing to not setting goals in life. I kind of just putting myself, all in, to this game called reality and challenges.
I don't say that goals are not good. Setting up goal, if it can motivate you to check all your lists by the end of the year, then it is all fine. But for me, personally, i find setting up goals all at once kinda gives me anxiety. The feeling of not being able to check one thing from your list of goals feels like you are a step towards failure and let me tell you, that felt terrible. Having felt that kind of thing, i started choosing not to take life so seriously. I do not look up to people because i have been living my life with the principle saying, the only competitor is the yesterday version of yourself. Living with that, i have been feeling more content about myself, more connected, more brave to ride a roller coaster full of challenges. Do you know what kills the potential inside you? It is called jealousy. When you look up to people, you will always feel less and less because those people whom you look up to are already good at what they're doing. When you try to be like them, it will only put a pressure on your back to be as good as them. You. Will. Never. Finish. Jealousy is one lowkey black hole.
Have i been mumbling too much? Generally, i want to say how vibrant and colorful 2016 has been. I came to the realization of slight difference between loving and adoring. Both are similar but turns out completely different. Both may have the same object and subject, but never the same verb. Shoot.
I wish us a better year ahead as always.
Thank you for taking time for reading my thoughts.
I'll see you next year. BISOUSXX
