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DRAMATIC STORIES

Sama Sama

By Maudy Elvira - July 21, 2016

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Wandering

By Maudy Elvira - May 20, 2016

Paradise by Daniel Pagan

Bonjour à tous!

I have never thought that 24 hours is enough. We, as a human, always want more of everything, including time. And the very one thing one keeps on saying is "i do not have time for that". I personally think we always have time for something, we just don't make time for it. Time has always been a thing. It has always been the reason of your every failure and your every success when you make the best use out of it. One thing i come to realize from watching Casey Neistat's is how we can make the best out of every time we got in 24 hours. Damn, you gotta watch this guy.

I'm currently in the state of confusion, which i hate to confess but i have to. We, well if you're on your early 20s, are all at the age when we have this thirst of productivity. I actually forgot where did i find this line but this speaks my confused, wandering, weird early 20s year-old mind perfectly, "The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less." We, youngster, are in the age when all we wanna do is seeking for new opportunities, des nouvelle expériences. We, no, i personally don't know how to make shiz into a list of priority. Which is resulting in overlapping in almost every aspect in my life. Very unhealthy, i know. I need to know the point where i should hold myself together and make it stop.

But, then again, after saving those two paragraphs earlier in my draft because i have exactly no clue what i want to talk about. Earlier this evening, after one long day of queueing, and big headache, i happened to find something which is pretty shocking the hell out of me in my inbox. Damn. You know what kicks my lungs the most? The sentence "opportunity does not come twice" But, you know, every chance comes with its own consequences. And what i need to do right no is one. Will it be okay for you to give up something necessary for something you have always wanted in life? Believe me. I also have no clue where to find the answer except to just take time and look in the mirror, and asking myself the exactly same question.

Bisous.

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Hier,

By Maudy Elvira - April 16, 2016

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journal

Caffeinated Saturday

By Maudy Elvira - March 05, 2016

Bonjour à tous!

You can't imagine how delightful i am to finally, in this cloudy Saturday morning, have a chance to sit and to write. These first three months of 2016 have been pretty cray in terms of everything, weather, works, sentiments, etc. Especially last month. Last February was probably my personal definition of roller coaster. Having my uni schedule super packed, followed by tons of paper work, presentation, group project, and it hasn't yet come to the end. The feeling of being a fourth semester student is literally coming at me. And you know that feeling when you finally have time to relax, to watch movies/series, to sit in your bedroom floor writing, listening to your top 25 playlist on iTunes, and sipping on your instant black coffee.

As i live in pretty much still developing country, with religion as one of its foundation to run the country, there are just way too much 'already existing' issues becoming way bigger problems. Not to mention, like this already existing gender issue for example. I personally think that this country i live in does not recognize the color grey, nor the decimal. Everything is either black or white. This country only knows binary. But, i prefer to live in grey, to live in no binary, as living like that gives me even more perspective to see the unseen, to live in decimal, to meet the '0,1 0,2 0,3 ,etc' instead of just the perfect '1 2 3 etc'. The root over here is just like "if i don't think it's right, you'll think i'm wrong." As simple as that.

What is rooting within our cells. What becomes the cancer is none other than all those egos forcing some people to close themselves to diversity. The cons tend to stay static. Every dynamic is seen as a thread. A 'disease'. Etc.Well, judgement is something that is rooting within ourselves. But, what kind of pisses me off is how sometimes people let their judgement be a bullet to others. The ugliest truth of all is how we, since we were little, were taught to classify people into majority and minority. We will always feel safe being classified as majority. But, that fact often leads some people to what so called, binary world. We are human. We are no computer. So, why should i see people as two different human just because of their belief? Their sexual orientation? Duh. This anger within me sparks up all over again when someone defines someone's belief in choosing a different sexual orientation as some kind of sickness. I mean. I do not know how to say my thought in the most polite way, so. F them.

After all the heavy words, tbh all i need is my coconut, sea sand, and all things tropical.

Bisous,

Maudy

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journal

About Yesterday's Breakfast

By Maudy Elvira - January 15, 2016

Today, i'd like to share a little about what just happened earlier this morning. About my Thursday morning. About what i do not fully realize until today.

As you have probably known already, i happen to study at IFI which is located at the Embassy of France (next to Sarinah building) every weekend, so i used to come to Starbucks Thamrin because i find this place pretty cozy to get my works done and, not to mention, the fast WiFi connection is just another 'plus' to this strategically located coffee shop.

So long story short, i happened to come to Sarinah this morning to drop my mother off because she had something to do at Kebon Kacang area. I parked the car at Sarinah parking lot, in front of Mcd Sarinah to be exact, and decided to wait for mother at Starbucks Thamrin. I used to come to this place alone so spending hours in a coffee shop all by myself has never been an issue for me. I brought my laptop bag, crossed the road separating the Sarinah Building and the Skyline building, where the Sbux is located, bought my usual americano, sat at the green wooden chair facing the Sarinah Building, and connected my laptop to the WiFi. And it was at about 9-ish a.m.

Different than my usual Sunday morning at that place, it was pretty packed this morning. Sadly, my favorite seat which is next to the big glass window facing the main road was occupied by some employees in all black attire who happened to be in a casually laid-back meeting. Finding that one hidden empty wooden chair was such a luck at that busy business hour. After an hour-ish and half of venti americano, my laptop connection to the WiFi was suddenly lost. It was shown on the screen that the connection to the WiFi was no longer safe for my personal data and informations, said by the antivirus software. I decided to disconnect my laptop connection and turn on my bolt, but as usual, my habit of recklessly forgetting to charge my electronic devices showed up which, most of the time, resulted in me having absolutely no connection to the internet. And that marked my last connection to the sbux Wifi, at 10.35 a.m to be pretty exact.

Et puis, i remembered that the 3in1 rule was ended already so i thought maybe i could go to GI instead because i need to get my works done and pity me had no internet connection at that very moment, but thank God my phone was still working at that time. After preparing to leave sbux, i went to the toilet but the toilet was occupied so i decided to leave the place in hurry because universe was calling. At 10.40 a.m i decided to leave and what surprised me is the road separating the Sarinah building and the Skyline building was pretty empty which is just not like how it was at 9-ish a.m. I was walking to where the car was parked, but when i was right in front of Mcd, there was an unusual loud sound from the back which happened to be the first explode.

I looked back and there was a big smoke in front of sbux. At first, i thought it was a car crash but then i remembered it was the Skyline building's parking lot. "Or, maybe a car was exploded. But, was it just way too loud?" That was the only thing i could think of at that moment. But then, lots of people started to run around and things turned into chaos in a blink of an eye with people screaming things like "There was a bomb exploded." I couldn't move for a sec because i was thinking which option is better, running away or leaving by car. But, then i kept on walking, leaving the car behind, searching for my cellphone, but at the same time i saw a lot of children with their home teacher, which probably just had usual lunch at the fast food chain, searching for another missing child in panic. Just right when i wanted to talk to the security, the second bomb exploded.

This time, i saw a big white smoke at the police station right at the main intersection of Sarinah Thamrin. But, the second one was louder, followed by several sounds of gunshot, and left my ears feeling pretty weird. For the first time in my life, i saw people calmly shot the police. And the first thing that came to my mind was this person can shot pedestrian with exactly no reason. That was the time i made a decision to go back to the car. But, all i can hear was the ringing of car alarm everywhere. I then decided to go back to where my car was parked to leave by car because i was thinking about the probability of Sarinah being exploded which probably made me stuck at that parking lot. I left via the south exit and it was pretty chaotic because lots of people were running around looking for a safe shelter. The road to the main road of Sarinah Thamrin was blocked right away which resulted in super crazy traffic behind the Sarinah building. Just when i reached the Morrissey Hotel, i heard another loud sound from the back. Long story short, Thank God, with no idea of what road i was taking, i made it home safe and sound.

Today, i learned more about things i don't fully comprehend, not until now. If only i was 5 mins late, i'd probably still inside the sbux building, and i was more than lucky to be able to leave the chaos with not even a little scar. Today, i saw the responsibility a teacher has on their shoulder. Today, for the first time, i felt very lonely and small through the midst of hundreds of people. Today, i learned that we have no one to count on but ourselves and the One above. Today, i learned that life is probably the best gift God has given to us and it is totally up to our decision how to make the best out of everyday. Today, i promised my own self to live for today, to make the best out of everyday, and to not let the fear of future ruin my present. I wish for everyone to stay safe and take today as another thoughtful lesson in life. #prayforjakarta

"We're never gonna win the world

We're never gonna stop the war

We're never gonna beat this if belief is what we're fighting for" - John Mayer

Bisous.

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La Perplexité

By Maudy Elvira - January 11, 2016

Pandawa Beach, July 2015.

Bonjour à tous!

For some period of time, i feel like i'm all over the place. Not to mention, tons of works, oh well i did exaggerate that one a little bit, come at the same time. Most of them are the result of my last year's intuition approved by the one above. If only my fingers could automatically type what's going on in this young mind, i think i'd need more than ten working fingers. Besides, lots of things and opportunities are coming on the way and i hope they'd be more than happy to come over to my side. But, with all things going on, honestly, there comes also the inner fear of mine. Fear of risks. Fear of changes. As a person who values stability highly, i sometimes find it hard to jump right on the next moving plane. I prefer to buy my ticket in advance and wait and observe strangers in the airport. No. But if you're about to ask me what is one my favorite thing to do, the first answer on the list will probably be sitting at the airport lounge watching them people walk by with their luggage. I may sound weird but i just find it interesting, knowing that in no time, you'll be on the other side of the world. And my favorite atmosphere will probably be that morning drive to the airport. Wait. I think i'd become an airport fetish. But. Shiz doesn't count, does it?

The first week of 2016 has been listening to Oh Wonder - The Rain and it's not even raining. If you know, you just know. The weather has been pretty crazy this week. I think i'm craving for the cold 22 degree Jakarta with a little rain. And a cup of green tea, just because maintenant, i'm running out of it. Ergh, my life's problem just couldn't get any better than running out of tea. But, i somehow cherish that at this very moment. Sorry to those people who have to deal with my random intentions and random choice of les mots.

I just realize that health is one of the thing that needs a bigger attention of mine. Last year, this health factor had been pretty well. But well oh well, the start of this new year hasn't been too well. With the continuous night backache, i surely need to do the check up which i have exactly no intention on having one. Which i know is not the wisest decision to make.

These past few days, i've been feeling a little off when it comes to this whole writing game. The hardest sentence to explain this weird atmosphere of mine will probably something like i'm not feeling like myself lately. Which i, myself, have exactly no idea nor explanation for that. Some are going pretty, some aren't, but well, i won't be having myself guaranteed to anything.

Bisous

La femme dans la perplexité,

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random

A Thank You Letter

By Maudy Elvira - December 30, 2015

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recipe

Vegan Brownie? Yes Way!

By Maudy Elvira - November 14, 2015

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random

Some Thoughts

By Maudy Elvira - October 31, 2015

Bonjour à tous! Salut!

was super hot. wearing what-so-called errrything in black seems like a thoughtful decision.

#pardonthesarcasm

In case you're wondering where in the world have i been. Even though you're probably a hundred percent not. Uni has taken all over my life. And that includes me being all over the place. This may sound a little too much, a little bit exaggerating, but that's what i really have been feeling about uni for the past couple weeks. All the presentation i had to do, followed by mid-term week, gosh. Thank God it has finally come to an end. Well, i still have a few more presentation to do but maintenant, c'est ok.

Actually, i really want to begin the weekend with some positive vibes. And to be completely honest, i've been waiting for a pretty much a long time to write about this. Just to share you about some little things, which have the probability to become a bigger question in the future, from my perspective. By my perspective, i mean, you gotta be true to yourself that i am not value-free, no one is. So, yeah.

People are born judgmental, Here, by people, my main intention is to include myself in. I'm not commenting or bad-mouthing anyone. I personally think judgment is rooting in ourselves. People are born. They socialize. They meet people. They meet new people. And so on. The way they see new people with a 99.9% different value, different belief, different story, different experience, must be practically different. Here, i'm not saying that is bad, nor saying that is good. Who am i to tell you which one is good and which one is bad when i can't even be true to my own self. We're all trapped in our little tiny brain telling us what to think, what to do, based on our stored memories. That is human nature. It is fine to like or dislike something. But, that does not mean that "something" is good/bad. It's just you, feeling like a stranger, in your circle. And i know that feeling, everybody does.

Over the past few months of me being a vegetarian, i have been receiving so many comments. From the people i've known for quite a long time to some people i just met. Some are amazed. But, most of them are, well, pretty skeptical. How do you live without meat? What do you eat on daily basis? Do you even eat? So you're only eating veggies? Are you on a diet? et cetera. But, that's fine by me. Some are pretty curious about it and i'm more than happy to share. But oh but, there are some people who take it as a joke, or even question my sanity. Well. I am basically such an ignorant person. But, when it comes to belief, i'm more into the sensitive type. People often misinterprets my choice as me trying to distant myself from the crowd, or exclusiving ~~(which i aknowledge isn't even a word, but i'm using it anyway so)~~ myself, which i'm 100% not. The reason of me being pretty sensitive about this is i, myself, have never question the sanity of one just because they are living a different live. Appreciating someone's choices of living will always be number one on my list.

But, after all, i know. We can't force people to believe. We can't force them to believe us. We can't force people to respect our choices. We can't force the world to follow our step. Because, our only choice is we gotta walk along with the world. The realization of respecting someone comes from the inside. To respect someone, is to acknowledge the difference in between. To respect someone, is to realize no one is better than another. To respect someone, is to see the silver lining in differences. And i have to leave some notes that i'm writing this not to force you defining me as a super wise person nor try to be Mr. Know It All. My main intention is none other than expressing my thoughts in words. Not to judge people. Not to blame anyone. But, just to express my thoughts. Not more.

Have i been a little too serious over such a small thing? I can say nothing but sorry if you find this kinda disturbing. I have been having a lot of 'me' time after the mid-term. And, i gotta admit that i do quite a lot of thinking. My talks with friends, readings on some website or social media, old movies with hidden messages. I don't know. I acknowledge that there are some people who can't stand being alone, a complete opposite of me. Since i was little i've been raised to be independent in life. And i am more than thankful for it. I realize that there are some people who can't handle their personal matter alone. There are some people who relies on their significant others so much that they can't even handle the most personal thing. I do not say that those are not good. I just find it kinda weird. And i'm respectfully amazed at those little differences in life.

Long heavy words, isn't it?