DRUNK DRAMA: journal

Wandering

By Maudy Elvira - May 20, 2016

Paradise by Daniel Pagan

Bonjour à tous!

I have never thought that 24 hours is enough. We, as a human, always want more of everything, including time. And the very one thing one keeps on saying is "i do not have time for that". I personally think we always have time for something, we just don't make time for it. Time has always been a thing. It has always been the reason of your every failure and your every success when you make the best use out of it. One thing i come to realize from watching Casey Neistat's is how we can make the best out of every time we got in 24 hours. Damn, you gotta watch this guy.

I'm currently in the state of confusion, which i hate to confess but i have to. We, well if you're on your early 20s, are all at the age when we have this thirst of productivity. I actually forgot where did i find this line but this speaks my confused, wandering, weird early 20s year-old mind perfectly, "The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less." We, youngster, are in the age when all we wanna do is seeking for new opportunities, des nouvelle expériences. We, no, i personally don't know how to make shiz into a list of priority. Which is resulting in overlapping in almost every aspect in my life. Very unhealthy, i know. I need to know the point where i should hold myself together and make it stop.

But, then again, after saving those two paragraphs earlier in my draft because i have exactly no clue what i want to talk about. Earlier this evening, after one long day of queueing, and big headache, i happened to find something which is pretty shocking the hell out of me in my inbox. Damn. You know what kicks my lungs the most? The sentence "opportunity does not come twice" But, you know, every chance comes with its own consequences. And what i need to do right no is one. Will it be okay for you to give up something necessary for something you have always wanted in life? Believe me. I also have no clue where to find the answer except to just take time and look in the mirror, and asking myself the exactly same question.

Bisous.

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journal

Hier,

By Maudy Elvira - April 16, 2016

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journal

Caffeinated Saturday

By Maudy Elvira - March 05, 2016

Bonjour à tous!

You can't imagine how delightful i am to finally, in this cloudy Saturday morning, have a chance to sit and to write. These first three months of 2016 have been pretty cray in terms of everything, weather, works, sentiments, etc. Especially last month. Last February was probably my personal definition of roller coaster. Having my uni schedule super packed, followed by tons of paper work, presentation, group project, and it hasn't yet come to the end. The feeling of being a fourth semester student is literally coming at me. And you know that feeling when you finally have time to relax, to watch movies/series, to sit in your bedroom floor writing, listening to your top 25 playlist on iTunes, and sipping on your instant black coffee.

As i live in pretty much still developing country, with religion as one of its foundation to run the country, there are just way too much 'already existing' issues becoming way bigger problems. Not to mention, like this already existing gender issue for example. I personally think that this country i live in does not recognize the color grey, nor the decimal. Everything is either black or white. This country only knows binary. But, i prefer to live in grey, to live in no binary, as living like that gives me even more perspective to see the unseen, to live in decimal, to meet the '0,1 0,2 0,3 ,etc' instead of just the perfect '1 2 3 etc'. The root over here is just like "if i don't think it's right, you'll think i'm wrong." As simple as that.

What is rooting within our cells. What becomes the cancer is none other than all those egos forcing some people to close themselves to diversity. The cons tend to stay static. Every dynamic is seen as a thread. A 'disease'. Etc.Well, judgement is something that is rooting within ourselves. But, what kind of pisses me off is how sometimes people let their judgement be a bullet to others. The ugliest truth of all is how we, since we were little, were taught to classify people into majority and minority. We will always feel safe being classified as majority. But, that fact often leads some people to what so called, binary world. We are human. We are no computer. So, why should i see people as two different human just because of their belief? Their sexual orientation? Duh. This anger within me sparks up all over again when someone defines someone's belief in choosing a different sexual orientation as some kind of sickness. I mean. I do not know how to say my thought in the most polite way, so. F them.

After all the heavy words, tbh all i need is my coconut, sea sand, and all things tropical.

Bisous,

Maudy

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journal

About Yesterday's Breakfast

By Maudy Elvira - January 15, 2016

Today, i'd like to share a little about what just happened earlier this morning. About my Thursday morning. About what i do not fully realize until today.

As you have probably known already, i happen to study at IFI which is located at the Embassy of France (next to Sarinah building) every weekend, so i used to come to Starbucks Thamrin because i find this place pretty cozy to get my works done and, not to mention, the fast WiFi connection is just another 'plus' to this strategically located coffee shop.

So long story short, i happened to come to Sarinah this morning to drop my mother off because she had something to do at Kebon Kacang area. I parked the car at Sarinah parking lot, in front of Mcd Sarinah to be exact, and decided to wait for mother at Starbucks Thamrin. I used to come to this place alone so spending hours in a coffee shop all by myself has never been an issue for me. I brought my laptop bag, crossed the road separating the Sarinah Building and the Skyline building, where the Sbux is located, bought my usual americano, sat at the green wooden chair facing the Sarinah Building, and connected my laptop to the WiFi. And it was at about 9-ish a.m.

Different than my usual Sunday morning at that place, it was pretty packed this morning. Sadly, my favorite seat which is next to the big glass window facing the main road was occupied by some employees in all black attire who happened to be in a casually laid-back meeting. Finding that one hidden empty wooden chair was such a luck at that busy business hour. After an hour-ish and half of venti americano, my laptop connection to the WiFi was suddenly lost. It was shown on the screen that the connection to the WiFi was no longer safe for my personal data and informations, said by the antivirus software. I decided to disconnect my laptop connection and turn on my bolt, but as usual, my habit of recklessly forgetting to charge my electronic devices showed up which, most of the time, resulted in me having absolutely no connection to the internet. And that marked my last connection to the sbux Wifi, at 10.35 a.m to be pretty exact.

Et puis, i remembered that the 3in1 rule was ended already so i thought maybe i could go to GI instead because i need to get my works done and pity me had no internet connection at that very moment, but thank God my phone was still working at that time. After preparing to leave sbux, i went to the toilet but the toilet was occupied so i decided to leave the place in hurry because universe was calling. At 10.40 a.m i decided to leave and what surprised me is the road separating the Sarinah building and the Skyline building was pretty empty which is just not like how it was at 9-ish a.m. I was walking to where the car was parked, but when i was right in front of Mcd, there was an unusual loud sound from the back which happened to be the first explode.

I looked back and there was a big smoke in front of sbux. At first, i thought it was a car crash but then i remembered it was the Skyline building's parking lot. "Or, maybe a car was exploded. But, was it just way too loud?" That was the only thing i could think of at that moment. But then, lots of people started to run around and things turned into chaos in a blink of an eye with people screaming things like "There was a bomb exploded." I couldn't move for a sec because i was thinking which option is better, running away or leaving by car. But, then i kept on walking, leaving the car behind, searching for my cellphone, but at the same time i saw a lot of children with their home teacher, which probably just had usual lunch at the fast food chain, searching for another missing child in panic. Just right when i wanted to talk to the security, the second bomb exploded.

This time, i saw a big white smoke at the police station right at the main intersection of Sarinah Thamrin. But, the second one was louder, followed by several sounds of gunshot, and left my ears feeling pretty weird. For the first time in my life, i saw people calmly shot the police. And the first thing that came to my mind was this person can shot pedestrian with exactly no reason. That was the time i made a decision to go back to the car. But, all i can hear was the ringing of car alarm everywhere. I then decided to go back to where my car was parked to leave by car because i was thinking about the probability of Sarinah being exploded which probably made me stuck at that parking lot. I left via the south exit and it was pretty chaotic because lots of people were running around looking for a safe shelter. The road to the main road of Sarinah Thamrin was blocked right away which resulted in super crazy traffic behind the Sarinah building. Just when i reached the Morrissey Hotel, i heard another loud sound from the back. Long story short, Thank God, with no idea of what road i was taking, i made it home safe and sound.

Today, i learned more about things i don't fully comprehend, not until now. If only i was 5 mins late, i'd probably still inside the sbux building, and i was more than lucky to be able to leave the chaos with not even a little scar. Today, i saw the responsibility a teacher has on their shoulder. Today, for the first time, i felt very lonely and small through the midst of hundreds of people. Today, i learned that we have no one to count on but ourselves and the One above. Today, i learned that life is probably the best gift God has given to us and it is totally up to our decision how to make the best out of everyday. Today, i promised my own self to live for today, to make the best out of everyday, and to not let the fear of future ruin my present. I wish for everyone to stay safe and take today as another thoughtful lesson in life. #prayforjakarta

"We're never gonna win the world

We're never gonna stop the war

We're never gonna beat this if belief is what we're fighting for" - John Mayer

Bisous.

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journal

La Perplexité

By Maudy Elvira - January 11, 2016

Pandawa Beach, July 2015.

Bonjour à tous!

For some period of time, i feel like i'm all over the place. Not to mention, tons of works, oh well i did exaggerate that one a little bit, come at the same time. Most of them are the result of my last year's intuition approved by the one above. If only my fingers could automatically type what's going on in this young mind, i think i'd need more than ten working fingers. Besides, lots of things and opportunities are coming on the way and i hope they'd be more than happy to come over to my side. But, with all things going on, honestly, there comes also the inner fear of mine. Fear of risks. Fear of changes. As a person who values stability highly, i sometimes find it hard to jump right on the next moving plane. I prefer to buy my ticket in advance and wait and observe strangers in the airport. No. But if you're about to ask me what is one my favorite thing to do, the first answer on the list will probably be sitting at the airport lounge watching them people walk by with their luggage. I may sound weird but i just find it interesting, knowing that in no time, you'll be on the other side of the world. And my favorite atmosphere will probably be that morning drive to the airport. Wait. I think i'd become an airport fetish. But. Shiz doesn't count, does it?

The first week of 2016 has been listening to Oh Wonder - The Rain and it's not even raining. If you know, you just know. The weather has been pretty crazy this week. I think i'm craving for the cold 22 degree Jakarta with a little rain. And a cup of green tea, just because maintenant, i'm running out of it. Ergh, my life's problem just couldn't get any better than running out of tea. But, i somehow cherish that at this very moment. Sorry to those people who have to deal with my random intentions and random choice of les mots.

I just realize that health is one of the thing that needs a bigger attention of mine. Last year, this health factor had been pretty well. But well oh well, the start of this new year hasn't been too well. With the continuous night backache, i surely need to do the check up which i have exactly no intention on having one. Which i know is not the wisest decision to make.

These past few days, i've been feeling a little off when it comes to this whole writing game. The hardest sentence to explain this weird atmosphere of mine will probably something like i'm not feeling like myself lately. Which i, myself, have exactly no idea nor explanation for that. Some are going pretty, some aren't, but well, i won't be having myself guaranteed to anything.

Bisous

La femme dans la perplexité,

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journal

Gluten Free Pancakes with Banana-Cinnamon Sauce

By Maudy Elvira - September 16, 2015

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journal

One Little Thought Au Higher West Java

By Maudy Elvira - August 20, 2015

Bonjour à tous!

Taken at Dago Highland

It is currently August 20th as you probably can tell, which leads us to the fact that this marks the beginning of my last 10 days of semester break. And this truth is ironically heartbreaking. We're getting closer to all those routines what so ever. To be honest, i already feel that 'sadsation' or this sad sensation, which idk where this phrase came from because i just made it myself by now. In these past few days, i've been wandering around my mind thinking about what exactly that i want to do, what exactly that makes me happy. You and i probably and probably already knew that the answer to those two thought provoking questions will never come by the blink of an eye. Oh yes, i knew it all, i did. Ever since i made this one life changing decision, i can tell you that i am now the happiest i have ever been for the past few months. And i just want to continue doing everything related to this decision and to make myself happy, not anyone nor anything, but my own self.

I, honestly, just came to the realization of what i really want to do, what i really want to pursue in life, at least for the next 5 years. But, the saddest and the most heart breaking news is the fact that i need to finish what i have started. And that includes me being a uni student, which i do not feel like talking about it at this moment, maybe i'll have the courage to talk about that one topic later, i wish. I just need to do well, finish this, and pursue my passion later on. That is what i keep telling my own self from now on. To be ver honest, once i had this thought about giving up on what i have started but i do not want to be called and i myself am not a quitter, no, hopefully not ever. Whenever this thought popped out in my immature young mind, i constantly remind my own self about everyone who supports me, most of all are my families and that is the very one thing that keeps me going on this path. I just need to finish all these responsibilities i got and no one will ever knows about everything that comes after. I just need to do my best and i deserve what i need to deserve.

Moreover, i spent my last weekend with my fam in Bandung. Nothing much, just wandering around the city, restaurant hopping, watching both sunrise and sunset around Bukit Pakar, etc. And i somehow managed to take some 6 a.m-ish pic while sipping on my hot tea half awake. Oh yea.

Have a nice day,

-6 a.m flying bird.

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food

MonoMealin'

By Maudy Elvira - August 06, 2015

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journal

UN. ONE.

By Maudy Elvira - July 15, 2015

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journal

Holiday's Ghost

By Maudy Elvira - June 11, 2015

Bonjour à tous!

Today marks the last day of me being a freshman. Yasss people, finals are finally over which means those 90 days worth of series-marathon, sleeping-late, and of course beautiful brekkie have officially begun!! Yep. No judging people. No judging. You guys do 'em too, right? I got countless plans in my head but i have this weird belief of mine when it comes to planning something. I prefer everything spontaneous than everything planned. I do not exactly know why and i can't seem to find the best word nor phrase to explain, nah you know why, right right right?

Maintenant, i'm in the phase of confusion, kinda, about things that i want to focus on in the future. This blog-writing game is also in that list anyway. By blogging, tbh i really wanna share about some of things that have inspired me personally. Maybe re-writing my personal journal, who knows? I actually own this small cute journal (which was given by my mom's friend since buying cute journal will never be happening for the rest of my existence) with my awful handwriting on it. In this past few months, i've been making myself writing about things i lean, or things i'm grateful for, or even random thoughts, everyday. And maybe, i'll share some of 'em here, maybe.

Or, will i post about some super simple food recipe? We'll see... I actually have been thinking about going vegetarian. No particular reason, it's just me after watching some documentaries about the cruel way of treating animals and also i always have this very weird feeling looking at animals in a plate. But, be ready to judge me people be reeeaaady. i like sushi. That short sentence sums errrything up right?

This past few weeks i have been listening to nothing but Mystery Skulls. Check em here! My studying jam, i guess? And the Forever album is just bomb. Eargasm from 00.00 till 41.16. Plus, you gotta check the 'Ghost' animated version mv, gotta be my favourite animated music video ever.

Everyone, have a nice holiday.
I'll see you soon.
à bientôt!

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journal

As Basic As Sunday

By Maudy Elvira - June 02, 2015

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journal

Nine'teen'

By Maudy Elvira - May 17, 2015

Bonjour à tous.

This time i'd like to say that it has been such a great opportunity for me to just live, to observe, to survive, to learn, and also to try getting into this blogging-writing game up until my 19th year of existence. I just turned 19 last Friday which marks this year as my last year of being a "teen" in term of age. I did say "in term of age" because i do feel like being a teenager is still what is currently set on my mind instead of being a fresh new adult.

This past 9 years of me being a teenager has been such a thing.. I graduated from elementary, got into middle school, high school then finished my 12 years of wearing a uniform with three different color skirts and somehow these paths i have taken leads me to this little canvas i am painting now, as a college student. Living my life as an ordinary teenager, i find myself very hard to be this certain kind of person i have always wanted to be, loud, warm, easy-going, et cetera...not even close to one of characteristics i have mentioned. But as time goes by, year by year...oh well actually in this past few years, i kind try to accept this hidden part of me which i have never and did not even want to realize and see. I realize that i have been looking up to people all my whole teenager life that i am not my own self anymore. It is not an easy matter to get out of your comfort sofa and try to walk in a new pair of shoes..and it will never be. I did not know how long it took for me to just get out of it...to get out of the whats-so-called mainstream. And i do not explain what i really mean because of some things that you will never give an objective glance at..so i better shut my keyboard's sound up. Here.

I am writing this not because i want to spoil about someone's insecurities because i believe everyone does have their own insecurities about themselves and i personally think that it is healthy to have one which means that you are fully aware of yourself. What makes it unhealthy is none other than all the pressure that you've probably put into those insecurities of yours. Why don't we just take our time to cut those heavy strings and look after them but not make them as a part of yourself but as a thing that you need to take care of..something that you'll need to look after and as something that your future self will see and thank the current you for cutting it off from your own back in the past.

Have a nice Sunday night people, It is a new week for you to be grateful of.

Good night.

Bisous.

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DRUNK DRAMA

Wandering

Hier,

Caffeinated Saturday

About Yesterday's Breakfast

La Perplexité

Gluten Free Pancakes with Banana-Cinnamon Sauce

One Little Thought Au Higher West Java

MonoMealin'

UN. ONE.

Holiday's Ghost

As Basic As Sunday

Nine'teen'

hey internet friends.

MY OTHER INTERNET SELF

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